2023. We are here. I’m sitting at a hotel in West Yellowstone, Montana. It’s the 3rd day of guiding Brushbuck’s 4-day winter tour. 365 days ago I sat in this same hotel. I pictured the year I had ahead and debated if I should actually skip work for 8 months.

I wrote the opening page to this blog. I dreamed of the highs I wanted. I chose to commit. Now I’m sitting here again writing the conclusion. It’s not sad. It’s not weird. It’s fulfilling.

Concluding this year doesn’t mark an end of an era in my life.

Sure - I’ll likely never ditch work for that long again. But the time off helped me craft my optimal work/life balance going forward. The goals I reached created new ones. I’ll never stop chasing these momentary highs. I’ll weave them into my work schedule going forward.

I am way too fortunate to have a job I love. Isn’t there some cliche like “time away makes the heart grow fonder”? That’s how I feel about work. 2022 made me appreciate even more the job I have.

This upcoming year I’ll be guiding in Yellowstone, Alaska, and hopefully Africa. In between I’ll be skiing, climbing, hunting, picnic-ing, and mountain biking. Holy crap. As hard as it is to say goodbye to 2022, I’m wildly amped for 2023.

End of 2022

Before I close down with some thoughts and plans, here’s how this rockstar year ended.

I worked. A lot. I live in a tourist town so holidays are poppin’. I’m not complaining though. I love looking for wildlife. I’ve met some incredible people from all over the country. And I’ve started digging myself out of the financial trench I created this summer.

The holidays are extra special because everyone is in a good mood. People are happy, complain less, and are hardy (it was -30 on tour the other day) - all things that can’t always be said about summer visitors.

Also I had repeat clients visit. Katie, it was so great seeing you again for a third time! A special shoutout to Phil Goeken and his mother, Melody. So fun having you guys back and Phil spotted petroglyphs I hadn’t found before!

I get Christmas day off from work each year

For the last three years I’ve had two traditions. Tanner and I always begin at 5am on the pass. We climb Oliver and enjoy a Christmas sunrise followed by a 2,500ft ski descent.

Second, I continue riding on the pass until I reach 10,000 vertical feet of hiking/skiing. Its always fun to run multiple laps, all with different friends, and enjoy a white Christmas I never had in San Francisco. I also rode my entire quiver - snowboard, split-board, resort skis, touring skis. All were fun but I’m definitely hooked on skiing this year.

Denton and Erin joined Tanner and I for a second Oliver lap. And well…. we had to pull out the appropriate holiday ski attire.

Following Christmas good ol’ Tim Westmark drove out to Jackson creating another Teton Tickler reunion!

In between work we squeezed in ski shenanigans and of course a sauna. MOBIBA! Shoutout to our Anchorage buddies from Denali for selling us on these portable saunas.

No reunion is complete without scheming future Tickler missions - ski to the South Pole, Alaska Classic Race, Puncak Jaya, Hoodnic, and more…

The final hours of 2022 provided two highlights for me. First I uploaded my Alaska moose hunt video and YouTube accepted all my music and content.

Next I noticed my bank account dropped by $1020. This could only mean one thing. The State of Alaska deposited my check for my Alaska Guides License meaning likely I’ve been accepted. To be a fully licensed and certified guide in Alaska you need over 60 days of hunting experience in that state over the course of at least 2 years.

Over the last 3 years I met the requirements. After a long application process of background checks, letters of recommendation, and more, I submitted my application by mail. I have yet to receive a formal confirmation but the fact they cashed my check is a great sign. Hell ya I think I’m in! What a badass gift less than two hours before the end of 2022.

2022 Wrap Up

I’ve shed more tears this year than any other. Mostly happy tears. Some sad. That’s the reality of a life chasing momentary highs. Thinking back to my intro page, we chase 7-10 experiences but at the cost of 1-3s. A life lived between 4-6 is monotonous and boring. I cried harvesting my moose. I cried on the top of Denali. These are 7-10s. But I cried the most when Rad passed away. An all too serious 1-3.

I also scared myself a lot this year. Risk is an inevitable part of momentary highs. And the adventures we enjoy wouldn’t be the same without risk. But we owe it to ourselves and others to understand risk and mitigate it as much as possible. Each year I become less and less risky. The costs don’t seem as worth it. 2022 made me a smarter and more cautious outdoorsman. Thoughts about risk consumed me and we all must consider and challenge our own relationship with risk. Personally I’ll never stop doing so-called “risky” things. But I feel more confident now to acknowledge when things aren’t worth it and make smarter decisions in the moment. I used to get consumed by one goal. Now I dream of a lifetime of goals. I’d rather be an old sender with a wealth of minor experiences than die a young sender that went for one big one.

Fears: This year many people asked what I fear. So I made a list.

Rockfall
Whiteouts
Avalanches
Creepy People
Hurting Others

Goals: Each goal completed ignites the passion for new ones. Here are some for 2023 and beyond in no particular order.

Alaska Classic Race
Cassin (Denali)
Hoodnic
Winds Picnic sub-2 days
Freedive with a great white shark (no cage)
find all 4 North American sheep skulls (2 left - Dall and Stone)
hit 100 skydive jumps
Puncak Jaya (Carstensz Pyramid)

After writing that 8th one I stopped. It just felt weird. It felt selfish. These are goals with a title but they don’t tell the whole story. I don’t want to just run the Classic Race or climb Puncak Jaya. I want to complete them with the Teton Tickler crew (Tanner and Tim). I don’t want to freedive with a great white or climb any big walls unless my brother is right next to me. I don’t want to jump out of planes unless Tanner is hanging off the wing with me.

Momentary highs are best when shared. I had some incredible solo experiences this year. The Winds Picnic and Cirque Traverse were two of my proudest life accomplishments. But sleeping on El Cap with my brother, harvesting elk with friends, and all my shared experiences this year reached higher emotional levels. We are a social animal and we thrive during shared accomplishments. I want my goals to reflect that.

Finances: It’s weird to talk finances. But many people asked. In total this year cost me somewhere between $20k - $25k.

First off I refuse to count or consider the “opportunity cost” of not working this summer. It’s silly to consider the income I could have made into the total cost of the year. These life experiences I gained are worth 10x more anyways. I can always make more money. But I can’t be young, dumb, and 27 years old again with 8 months to do whatever I want.

Could I have made the year cheaper? Absolutely.

Did I have to go to the Philippines to freedive?

I guess not but it was badass. Tanner and I had a baller time.

Did I have to eat out and buy drinks with my friends as much as I did? No but I was excited to see them when I returned and wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Did I need to buy a new gravel bike?

Nope but it made the Wind’s Picnic way more fun.

Did I need to buy a portable sauna with Tanner?

Hahaha probably not but I sure am happy we did. MOBIBA!

Did I need to spend another $1000 on climbing gear?

Actually yes because it filled the holes in our racks and let Ian and I complete a goal we’ve shared since we were 14 years old.

I use my gear until it fully breaks. I “buy nice instead of buy twice” and expect my gear to last a decade. That being said I purchased a new spotting scope and skis this year too. I am poor but gear wealthy. Gear lets me pursue my passions plus keeps me safe. I’ll skimp on everything else in life before gear.

Throughout the year I kept my monthly contributions to my Roth IRA. I am fired up for 2023 to focus on financial goals too. I am reading a lot and listening to many podcasts. I re-started my monthly investments that were separate from my roth. I am pumped to continue my outdoor goals while also working hard this year to be an adult.

The true long-term goal is to make Jackson Hole my home. It’s been 7 years and I want it to become 60. To do that I need to plan, invest, and be smart. This year I’ll invest at least 30% of my income if not more. Ideally it will be 50%. I’ll continue my side hustles of snow shoveling and other odd jobs.

I am young and dumb still and know how to live frugally. So now is the time to save. I just made the dumbest financial decision of my life in 2022 but I regret none of it. However now I am energized to make some smart ones going forward.

Resolutions: I am not huge on resolutions but it’s fun to think about. I made three for last year. I kept up with them, noticed their impact, and want to continue hammering them even more.

Call friends who live far away - friendships require work in all the best ways. I hate living far from some of my closest friends. I made it a point this last year to call every couple months. We’d catch up for an hour or more and I’d always sign off with gratitude. I’m thankful to call them my friends, happy they are doing well, and excited to meet up in person soon. in 2023 I want to make these calls monthly.
Read more - I started the year reading survival stories, wildlife research papers, and financial education books. Reading slowed down as the goals increased. I need to restart it again. Learning is dope.
Slow down life - I don’t mean be lazy. I mean live in the moment. I’ve always been pretty type-A and would let time and plans stress me out, especially while guiding. This year taught me to soak things in, relax when plans change, and just ride along. And it changed my tours. I’m chiller with time, do whatever is needed to make the day special for my guests, and I appreciate each day more. Last January I told myself I’d try this for 2022. It was special to hear my friends and family notice and comment on my changed behavior. I am way more chill and relaxed and my stress has gone down ten fold. Life is good. In conjunction with the last resolution, I’m excited to read a recent book recommedation from a guest of mine - The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry.

The back burners: I enjoy being a master of none. I aim for exceptionally average at many.

I have a lot of passions and I couldn’t fit them all into one year. Chasing some meant leaving others behind. I didn’t skydive once this year. I didn’t mountain bike with Andrew enough. And while I found one sheep skull and had an epic elk-shed day with Kelly, Tanner, Mal, and Mike, I wish I had shed-hunted more. I also didn’t chase mountain lions at all this year. I’ll try to fill in these gaps in 2023.

I also want to explore new things in this Rocky Mountain playground. For example I used to go caving a lot in Montana. There are caves I still haven’t explored in Wyoming. I also want to search for un-imploded gold mines I’ve heard about and pan for gold. There’s a lifetime of adventures nearby and I am stoked to try new ones this year.

Conclusion: What a f*cking crazy year.

I’m sitting in this hotel room elated by it all. I’m in the best mountain shape of my life. I have my dream friends, my dream job, and just had my dream year. I climbed to my highest elevation on earth and dove to my deepest depth. I ate over 3 gallons of Nutella. I can’t believe it worked and came together.

I have to thank everyone in my life that made it possible. All my friends in Jackson and beyond. All my family. I said it in the opener and I’ll say it a 1000 more times. My life is great only because you guys are in it. I love all of you.

I imagine this will be the last post. But I also paid for another year to make the blog last through this January. So screw it - maybe I’ll keep writing. Not about me and what I’m doing but maybe about thoughts on conservation, risk, pet-peeves, or some other useless ramblings. We’ll see. Either way, thank you if you read through this. It felt weird to egotistically share my life. But I am excited to save this somewhere and read it myself when I’m 80 years old.

Thanks again to all of you. Keep crushing life and chasing momentary highs. Live for the 7-10 moments and email me stories of them. The news is filled with the horrors of the world. Let’s start a movement to share the better stories. Rock on and Happy New Year!

EXTRA: If I do continue this page it may look something like this. Feel free to stop reading. The following is a word vomit of antler/horn talk.

I love science. I think about wildlife and evolution daily. I doubt I’ll go back for my master's degree. It’s not very useful in the field I am entering. Plus I don’t want to leave Jackson and my friends for the years of research required. If I did, however, it would be not for professional advancement but only for my interest in researching unknown patterns in nature.

The following is the basis for what I’d do a master’s thesis on. If someone gets excited about this and wants to pursue - hell ya go for it! Email me and I’ll explain more.

It’s no secret I love ungulate head gear - antlers and horns. I search for them in the woods, glass for the differences in them on wild animals, and recently examined patterns amongst their growth.

Antlers are found on cervids - the deer family. They fall off and are regrown once a year.

Horns are found on bovids - antelope, cows, sheep, goats, etc. With the exception of the pronghorn antelope, horns are with the animal for life.

There are exceptions to every rule in nature. Pronghorn are an expected exception since they are the only extant member of their family, antilocapridae.

upper right: 120+ year old bison skull I found. Right side of his face is washed away. He’s looking at you.

Ok that’s the very basic background. It’s not hard to notice a pattern of antler/horn growth in North America.

Antlers (deer, elk, moose, caribou) grow extremely far outside the head. An Alaskan moose can have 70 inch wide antlers. Elk antlers can protrude feet above their heads.

Horns in North America, however, grow extremely tight against their heads (bison, sheep, mountain goats, musk ox).

Head gear extending far outside the skull would be a major cost when running from predators, particularly in heavy timber or other thick environments. It could bump on things and would require major effort to move and dodge with.

The cervids may possibly be able to get away with this because antlers fall off. They only have their head gear full grown for part of the year. Thus the cost is not continuous. Bovids, with head gear that does not shed, couldn’t evolve large head gear possibly because the cost would be too great year round.

Ok, so that makes sense for North America. But now let’s look at Africa.

There are zero antlers in Africa. Isn’t that WILD? All the crazy head gear you see from those safari photos are horns. Yet unlike North America, Africa has many horned animals with head gear that extends way outside the head! Oryx, Addax, and Sable Antelope to name a few.

Oryx and Addax - not my photos

Why? Well my hypothesis is that density of environment plays a huge role in how far head gear can extend from the skull. Most of the big horned animals in Africa live on the open savannah, country much less thick than our North American Bovids exist in. They have their large horns year round of course. But the cost of running away from predators and dodging your horns through vegetation is reduced because of the open environment.

The pattern continues. Bushbuck are a horned animal found in Africa. Relative to others, they have very small horns. But they are also an antelope species that prefers thick timbered environments. So evolutionarily they couldn’t evolve with big horns because of the cost incurred by moving through thick bush.

The pattern continues again. Look at elk subspecies in North America. Rocky Mountain Elk have the largest antlers of any elk subspecies. They historically evolved on the open plains of the modern-day United States. Roosevelt Elk, however, have the smallest antlers of any elk subspecies. They are found in the thick coastal rainforests of Oregon and Washington. Thicker environment = smaller head gear.

Left: Rocky Mountain Elk (my photo), Right: Roosevelt Elk (not my photo)

Let’s keep it going. Look at the four North American wild sheep. Rocky Mountain and Desert Bighorns have more mass than the other two but are known for a tighter curl against their skull. Relative to Dall and Stone sheep, they live in the tighter, more vegetated habitats of the lower 48 states. Dall and Stone sheep, however, exist at higher elevations with less timber in Alaska and Canada. They are known for horns that “flare”. This flare extends the horn farther outside the head - something Rockys and Deserts may not have been able to get away with in their thicker environments.

Rocky Mountain Bighorn (left), Dall Sheep (right) - not my photos

And one more. Sure, Stone and Dall sheep have some flare. But no flare or size in sheep is as great as the Marco Polo. Marco Polo sheep reside in the high elevations of the middle east. Much higher than even Dalls and Stones. Dalls and Stones see some timber but Marco Polos see hardly any. Thus they can incur the cost of head gear much farther outside their heads.

The majestic, dream to see, makes me drool, Marco Polo sheep
(not my photo)

I don’t know. Maybe this is all bullsh*t. Or maybe it’s super basic. But I can’t seem to find a peer-reviewed paper on it. It’s a pattern I like to ponder - density of environment controls distance head gear can grow from a skull. And, if it’s far outside the head in a thick environment, it better be an antler and not a horn.

Studying this would require a universal measurement of habitat density or thickness. Plus a set measurement for distance from skull (wide or tall). As with everything there will be exceptions. But it’d be a fun project using GIS, museum specimens, and possibly wild animal observations.

Ok, there’s my wildlife rant. There may be more. Or not. Depends how much powder there is to ride this winter.

the checkered flag

settin’ booters